A Relearning To Feel Without Guilt, Blame, or Regret
Archived From 2012 - Thanks Facebook
I am not a teacher or a sage or wise woman or enlightened angel being and I am all of these....
For the purposes of this writing now, of which I know nothing about, (as each word is typed out I am in awe) I am simply an experiencer, that is the closest that words can come to what I am in these here words.
I have one simple invitation, which believe it or not you are already being. It could simply be that you haven’t noticed yet. The invitation is to be present to your very own experience, to feel fully, to embrace fully what the experience of you IS. It is that simple. Feel. Be.
You may at some point in your experience been lead to believe that feeling isn’t good. You may have been called one of many of the following: Baby, drama queen/king, pussy, overly sensitive, irrational, abnormal, freak, attention seeker, tiring, an irritation, overwhelming, bitchy, incongruent, inconsistent, emotional, etc. You may have heard that emotions and feeling them isn’t spiritual or holy or godly or whatever. You may believe that the emotions you experience are about you, that they are personal, and they are only not in the way you may believe.
You may have heard of such things as suppressed emotions, resistance to feeling, avoiding feelings, emotional immaturitiy, inabilitiy to feel or express emotions, blocked emotions, etc. Not a single one of those is possible. Not a single label is possible.
Feelings/emotions/sensations of being happen like rain, wind, sun, clouds happen. It isn’t personal and emotions are deeply connected to what you are. Somewhere along the line confusion also happened, the confusion about feelings and what they really are.
I cannot tell you what they really are for you. I can only share what they appear to be to me. Why do I use the word appear? I have learned that nothing I experience is fixed. Like the coming and going of feelings and emotions, the entire experience of me is fluid. Even a beautiful insight, a moment of enlightment, is fluid, it comes and it goes, there is nowhere to land. Even a moment of darkness, a twinge of fear, the scariest of scaries, is fluid. Everything comes and goes, shifts and flows, nothing is solid or fixed, no matter how they appear to me in any given moment.
Have you ever been happy forever? How about mad or sad or angry or joyful or depressed or ANY emotion or feeling? Feelings come and go like rain, like waves. And like rain and waves feelings are cleansing, refreshing, healing movements in my experience, only ALL of them. Not a single one is left out, denied, unacceptable, every emotion is welcome, even when it appears that they are not. They show up, they come and they go, completely out of any control that I can see.
Feeling is what I am. Experiencing is all that I am. There are no parts of experience, try to experience your foot without your leg. Try experiencing the sky without the sensation of being below it. Try closing your eyes and not hearing or experiencing the sensation of sitting or standing. Try eating without tasting. Try experiencing walking without the sensation of the ground beneath your feet. There are no compartments of experience.
There is no experience without you. Experience IS.
I remember how to FEEL by being with my children. Living wide open, no shame, no guilt. Simply an expression of what is appearing in the moment. It could look like throwing a tantrum on the floor, red faced and tear stained one moment and the very next giggling laughter running down the street. Or one moment resistance to putting on ones clothes and the next leaping around naked in complete joy and the next being totally dressed and excited for what is next.
There is immense freedom in feeling what is here in this moment. With the understanding that whatever is here in this moment will not be here forever, it will move on and something else will appear. Effortlessly. In this understanding there is permission and freedom to BE and to be feeling itself.
As an adult, there is a relearning process of being feeling. A relearning to feel without guilt, blame or regret. A relearning to live wide open so that whatever is experienced is experienced to its full potential. When joy visits it will take you to your knees, when clarity visits it will move on its own nothing to hold it back, when resistance visits it will open you completely, when heartache arrives you will feel the expansion it creates. When freedom comes to visit you will ride its wings.
For me, feeling brought me home more than any other experience. It also created the space to be with any and all experience as it arises, my own or anothers. Feeling itself has taught me that I cannot believe anything, that the only thing that is real is whatever is right here right now.