It seems like forever and only a moment ago...

...since the last time I wrote a blog post specifically for my website.

For some reason I have not yet explored in depth I feel much more comfortable writing a post on facebook than turning to my literal 'home' on the internet...my website.

It could very well be that when this website was born I was in a very dark place myself and in some way have associated this space with those dark moments...coming back from deep betrayal.

The internet, while quite the amazing connection force, can really be an intense place.

Another thought that just crossed my mind is that perhaps here...in this box of my blog I feel like I HAVE to be defined as a writer...I have to perform...be entertaining...meaningful..clever...oh my heart.

The inner dialogue is loud right now...the one that says every word I write is stupid and who do I even think I am.

Well now, hello there, fear...I see you.  It looks as if you and I will be holding hands for the next little while...writing blog posts for the next 30 days straight...because...this is how we do it.

No matter how loud you are...I will write...we will write...we will tell our story...even if it is simply one sentance.

I am scared.

To write my blog...and I don't even know why.

This is exactly how I feel:

 

Annoyed, tired, FULL, confused...and so ready to be done.

Annoyed, tired, FULL, confused...and so ready to be done.

Shanti Zimmermann