The Day of Expression
I woke up today with goosebumps all over my body.
Today is 'the day of expression'.
Yesterday I wrote about depression being the suppression of expression...and the antidote...the way through...AFTER...having felt and been with the suppressed emotions..is expression.
I have never done this part publically because it can be really...really messy.
It can be really triggering. It can be really scary and can be deeply...deeply misunderstood.
It means 'coming out of the closet' and expressing all the gunk that is sticking inside you..whether or not it makes sense, is appropriate, or seems unkind.
Today I am giving myself permission to remove any censorship I normally engage with when expressing myself.
I have NO idea what is going to come out of my fingers, this is not premeditated or 'thought' through...whatever arises will simply be shared.
I will be deep in meditation today and as I ask what wants to be expressed I will share...again..I have no idea what the topics will be or how they will be expressed or what I will say.
If taboo subjects or pov are triggering for you, you might want to take all notifications of me off your feed.
While I take FULL responsibility for what I am going to express today I do not..for one second...hold myself to anything that I express...I will be a different person after each share..with a new and clearer perspective and sometimes we HAVE to go through the mud and gunk to get to that clarity. And that is what you will be witness to today..here on my feed.
The mud and gunk and the clarity.
I do this for me. I share because if my process helps ONE person recognise they are not alone then it is worth it to me to expose myself so completely.
You are not alone.
Day of Expression. Things that boggle my mind.
Yesterday a neighbor's child chipped both of her front teeth pretty bad...they will need repair today. The kids came to my house because her mother was in a meeting.
This all sounds normal..except everyone around this..except for me and the child it happened too(and her mamma when she came)...were in total panic...like it was the end of the world and an emergency/crisis.
I was sooo confused..I was like..dude..it is OK..she is OK..her teeth are totally repairable and she is fine...relaxed even..chill.
The emotional hupla around her teeth being 'knocked out' confused me until I looked closer....
We are so fucking repressed in our emotional experience that when something 'exciting' happens we use that as an opportunity to release a bunch of pent up emotions. And we will vehemently defend our right to be freaking out and nasty towards those that are not..because FINALLY we are allowing ourselves to feel and ain't nobody gonna take that away from us.
This is 'dangerous' expression of emotion...in that it is so high strung it will attack others...both emotionally and physically.
Remaining calm when 40+ people(this happened during dance training) are in releasing mode feels a bit like crazy pants.
I could not find a panicked bone in my body..or a worry..or anything worth losing myself too.
I simply did what I needed to do...I made sure the child was OK...I made sure she had no other facial/skull trauma..I made sure she knew I was there and she was safe..I called the emergency dentist and informed myself and gave the info forward to her mother...I held the space for the freak outs that came to my door and into my home.
Emotional release is a real thing and it will ALWAYS find a way out.
I prefer to do my own inner work every day of my life than have my feet swept out from under me in 'scary' situations.
I prefer to talk about and feel my emotions fully every moment of my life than to use someone else's misfortune as an outlet for my pent up emotions.
I prefer to show up right now...fully present...then to exit my experience the moment an emergency happens.
I often feel like a strange creature in a strange land when it comes to emotions.
AND..I am a damn good person to have around in a crisis/emergency..not only because I understand navigating emotions at the level I do but because I have waaaay more experience with traumatic events than most people do.
Day of Expression: Respect and Honor
We are all of us entitled(by simply existing) to our own opinion, perspective, experience.
We are NOT entitled to push our opinion, perspective, or experience onto anyone else.
What if we could be open to others points of view...what if we could with honor and respect simply express ourselves without blaming, shaming or placing guilt on another?
What if we could totally agree to disagree and still love each other deeply?
What if everyone's pov are valid? What if we really...really do not have to prove a damn thing to ANYONE.
I have my experience, you have yours..BOTH are valid...we do not have to fight over it or convince each other of anything.
Here in my world and fb wall You are welcome to express yourself and your pov..you are NOT welcome to be disrespectful to someone else who has a different one than you.
What if we didn't resort to name calling and shaming in order to feel superior and righteous?
What if we could 'tolerate' and even invite 'opposition' as a way to GROW?
What if we weren't running so fucking scared?
What if we ALL operated out of emotional clarity and respect?
**this does not mean that we 'put up' with jerkwad gas lighting behaviors..nope..block..bye bye.
Day of Expression: Relationships..possible trigger.
If you are not all in..get out.
If they are not all in..get out.
Being in a relationship with ONE person is confusing enough..add in others and you are asking for a big pile of misunderstandings and ouchies.
Having sex every day in a relationship does NOT automatically make it a better one.
Having NO intimacy in a relationship..is NOT a relationship.
Having a thriving intimate relationship requires you to be ALL IN..every single day...not a day less will do.
Your primary relationship (after the one you have with yourself) is the most important priority in your life...BEFORE...your career, kids, house, bills, friends.
Relationship is where we find ourselves and how we truly experience our wholeness. We need each other.
NEED your partner...let yourself be THAT vulnerable.
Be willing to talk about EVERYTHING..yes EVERYTHING...no more secrets.
You will find yourself scared af in all your relationships..scared of being rejected, abandoned, judged, misunderstood and unloved. Know that the person you are with...has the SAME fears...speak about them and learn to be honest and respectful with each other.
If you are in a long term relationship/marriage and you have YEARS behind you of 'surviving' or 'just barely hanging on'...then do something DRASTIC...right NOW.
Put your relationship first...take time out of LIFE and spend ALL your time focusing on each other and the relationship..start with 7 days and then continue with one weekend a month...FOREVER...don't have time!? Don't know how to organise the kids? Don't have money?
Wave good bye to your relationship now, get out, because if you are not willing to do whatever it takes to realign your relationship now..you are just wasting your time...it will not change by hope alone or one night a month or seeing each other for 5 minutes or leading separate lives and pretending like that is a relationship of freedom...in relationship...ACTION is what counts...willingness to show up and do the WORK. Yup, the work of choosing each other every day.
Put your relationship first or you will be really confused about it not working out.
If your partner isn't willing to meet you in your commitment, isn't willing to take the time out to devote to your relationship...you can stay but do so with honesty and eyes wide open..do not blame them for your willingness to stay in it when they are only partly in it...it is your choice to stay or go.
You can love someone...deeply...and not stay in a relationship with them.
You can remain family with your spouse even as you separate and co parent.
You can be respectful and loving with an ex.
You can remain IN love and decide not to stay together.
You can fall in love with your ex's new partner and be happy for them and the addition they bring to your children's life.
You can be happy apart.
BE ALL IN. You, be all in and invite your partner to be too.
Day of Expression: Uh Oh.
Comparisonitis is a real bitch.
I wish I had never ever ever ever gone to Costa Rica.
I really despise some of the practices I see going on in the coaching industry..like I HATE it..it makes me gag and my blood boil and I haven't said much about it..outloud.
Politics are really..really stupid...create strife..and confusion..and misunderstandings...and make no sense at all to what really matters.
99% of marketing in the world is fear based and determined to make you feel like shit about yourself in order to convince you to buy shit you never ever needed in the first place in order to feel whole.
So many people never ask questions...me..I am a lazy mofo..I am always inquiring and exploring..I call this being in a hurry.
I wish I was even more honest than I am...even more willing to simply speak what is true for me in each moment without judging that truth....
I haven't shown up like the person I know myself to be in my own house for the last few months..and this hurts to admit but is also liberating.
I will not do 'business' the way it is being sold to me...left, right and center.
Staying true to myself is more important to me than you are.
I don't have rules and this can be really scary sometimes...like terrifying.
I change my mind 1000000's of times a day...my heart..my emotions..my intuition are in the driver's seat.
I take everything in my life and transmute it into even more love for myself.
I don't know what courage looks like...being brave...doesn't occur to me...I don't think of consequences nor do I pre plan much of anything...flying by the seat of my pants is both my curse and my utter blessing.
I feel like an utter failure...in so many ways...I keep showing up anyway..even when it feels like it might kill me...because in the does not invalidate my feelings...living paradox.
I wish..wish wish..I could touch you in a way that changes your life forever...every day..I wish I could share the love I live with you.
When I am really insecure I reach out to people I know love me and ask them to remind me of who I really am...they always do...every single time I waver..they hold me up..every.single.time.
You are not alone.
Day of Expression: Preferences
I love and appreciate men.
I love and appreciate women.
The beauty that we are takes me to my knees.
What turns me on the most is a person who is fully present to this moment, leaning HARD into who they are.
Ownership..that shit is sexy as hell.
Honesty..Clear Brilliant Honesty...fuck YES.
Lying, Cheating, Bullying, Manipulating Bullshite can go suck an egg.
Emotions...these are the only things I trust completely...because right now I am afraid..I FEEL it...it is HONEST. I also feel freedom and trust...these keep me from going insane...emotions.
Emotions have been the most oppressed, repressed and invalidated 'part' of being human for eons. It is time for this to change.
We ALL feel...and we all feel deeply..man or woman..equally..it is the very fabric that connects us..this ability to feel it all.
Vulnerability exists equally within all of us and it is our most powerful tool to connect and live in integrity with ourselves and with each other.
Fronting, pretending...to be something you are not...that shit hurts..stop it...be honest instead...it really is where freedom lies.
Day Of Expression: Preparation...
I am doing laundry and feel the expression of talking about the pricing of my work...and I feel like I am choking...holy shizzballs...
....finishing the laundry..then...sharing...this one is hard for me...so it must be important...at least..to me!
Day Of Expression: Coaching, pricing, group work, surviving vs thriving, sacred money, wealth.
Contrary to what I have been taught about coaching(and funnels) group work is WAY more work than one to one private coaching is. It requires more preparation, presence, effort and staying clear and focused than private work. When I am working with ONE person..that one person has the WHOLE of me and my 'knowledge'. When working with a group I show up WHOLE for ALL present, this requires more of me energetically...by far...and from now on my pricing will reflect this.
Money is sacred and isn't the bad boogie man guy out to either ruin your life or make your dreams come true.
Freebies in the coaching industry are just plain old weird. I will give you something for free so that I can get you on my mailing list and offer my goodies to you into eternity...but it is free AND you shall feel obliged to stay on my list because I gave you something first. Unconscious emotional binds anyone?
If you are struggling to pay your bills get that shit sorted and THEN launch your coaching business.
Going from good to even better...is way harder than going from rag to riches...one just seems to sound sexier and it sells...just about anything.
Wealth means sustainability...and sustainability means thriving...money is a part of this equation..but too often it is the focus.
Most things are priced to make you feel like you are getting a bargain, this initiates an emotional bind when it comes to services. You owe me for purchasing your services and I owe you because you gave me a deal. This is the opposite of empowerment.
A bargain is the feeling of getting one over on someone..it is the sleezy sales man tactic to get you to be a sleezy consumer.
Value is something so much more than money.
Most coaching is based on a masculine model of delivery.
We add the money story into the mix and a bunch of unprocessed emotions and you get fear and loathing.
Emotional understanding and honesty makes buying ANYTHING a whole lot easier.
About me specifically: I wanted to be a Doctor, worked in an emergency room for 6 years, went to UCLA for a bit...I wanted to help people..instead I got married and had four kids ;)
I have been a coach for a very long time. I have spent more hours than I ever would have as doctor learning, experimenting, inquiring, and Being the healing I speak about.
I have spent countless hours and dollars in various learnings and experiences to better myself, to understand myself, to love myself unconditionally.
I have done the hard work of putting myself first, speaking my truth, not giving up, showing up even as 'stones' were thrown at me, recalibrating, navigating and being fully present to my experience.
I live what I speak about. I am my art. What you see is exactly what you get and then some ;). I walk my talk. I am not an expert and I speak directly out of my own lived experience in each moment.
I am able to see 'things' others cannot..or will not and I speak them into the room.
I believe in the inherent good in everyone because I have experienced myself AS everyone.
I have done the hard work to understand that boundaries are my sanctuary and make me even better at the work I am here to do.
I will never ever apologise for making money as myself.
In every single moment I bring my entire self to the table, every moment of my life shows up right here right now and is available to those that wish to enter the door that is wide open so long as they bring their entire selves and the full devotion to do the hard work of being themselves.
This is no joke. I am playfully serious about being free and I am a stand for my clients in a way that leaves us both speechless to describe the experience.
I have had the absolute pleasure to meet some of the most amazingly authentic powerful transformational coaches on the planet...I LOVE coaches.
I do not love the bastardization I see in the industry or the struggle bus tactics to make money.
Coaching is a beautiful profession, a beautiful contribution to our collective and I love that I am a part of it.
I do not love the fronting, the lying, the scheming, the bs manipulative marketing at all...but this is not just in coaching..it is everywhere.
The Year of The Greedy Bastard changed my life <3