Patterns NOT People - Emotional Alchemy
When I speak about emotional patterns it can be incredibly triggering because even though I am speaking about a PATTERN most minds will take it personally.
Why? Because the patterns I speak of are alive and well in ALL of us.
One such pattern is the Bully/Victim Pattern..it is running within each individual human being and between us all as well.
It is intense because most often...we are talking 98% or more of the time it is running on auto pilot as a habitual pattern and when a habitual pattern gets light shone on it...it snarls like an angry beast and defends itself, determined to win and stay in place as the unconscious pattern that it is.
Becoming conscious of a habitual pattern can be very painful because we become aware of the collateral damage the pattern is running within us and in our lives. And this is a pivotal moment.
Do I step out of the pattern or do I continue the mayhem?
It seems simple enough. Exit the pattern and live as freedom or stay within the pattern and stay in agreement with the collective.
It isn't that simple because we are EMOTIONALLY invested in the pattern so when we attempt to step away we will have an intense bodily reaction and most often we will choose to stay in the pattern..because it APPEARS to be more comfortable.
So back to the Bully/Victim Pattern..as I said before it is in all of us..there is not a single human on the planet who isn't running this pattern..we have all ingrained it within ourselves through indoctrination and experience.
Here is the thing about this pattern, the bully and the victim live in the SAME space. The Bully toggles with the Victim within us. Back and forth it goes, very effectively weaving it into our very DNA.
And because of this inner pattern..when we begin to play it out with someone else..who is also running the pattern we get caught in the dynamic of Bully/Victim because one cannot exist without the other.
As and example lets take this scenario:
There is the bully who bullies and shames and guilts and is violent towards the victim.
So long as the victim plays the part of the victim in the pattern, the pattern gets held in place...OR so long as the bully plays the roll of the bully the pattern gets held in place.
If the bully makes a different choice and comes back and says..man..that was weird I am sorry I treated you that way..there is an opportunity for the pattern to be stopped in it's tracks...SO LONG as the victim doesn't then flip into the bully and blame, shame and guilt the bully for what they did even after the bully sees through the pattern..IF the victim in this scenario turns on the bully..the pattern begins again.
If the victim steps out of the victim role and calls the bully on their behavior and says no way am I going to play this game anymore the bully can say ok..cool..that is all good..OR and this is OFTEN what happens...the bully can say..but wait..no you are judging me for being a bully and that hurts me and now you are bullying me..essentially turning into the victim.
The toggle of this pattern is EVERYWHERE.
bully victim bully victim bully victim.
Internally we use blame shame and guilt to keep ourselves in a prison(the victim) externally we use blame shame and guilt as weapons (the bully).
We are ALL the bully and the victim...every single one of us.
This is why walking OUT a pattern and talking about them is so tricky.
Can I see the pattern and walk it out without pointing the finger in any direction?
Can I be DONE with this habitual pattern and still be human?
Can I ever have a conversation about anything without engaging this pattern?
Am I willing to step outside and look with clarity at the pattern without using what I see against myself or anyone?
Talking about and exploring Blame, Shame And Guilt can be really intense and our human language is RIFE with possiblilties to use BSG so it takes some navigating and it is so worth it.
Breaking and Anniliating Patterns is essential to living a life of freedom and ease.
Bringing unconscious habitual patterns into the light is no easy task...it can appear confrontational...and confrontation scares the living shit out of me...AND...I cannot unsee what I have seen...I cannot unexperience what I have experienced...I cannot NOT see the patterns that I have walked out and continue to walk out every day...so here I am...talking about these patterns..and I won't stop..I cannot.