Posts tagged art
Instead...I Choose To Feel

I don't know if you will understand what I am about to share...but share it I must.

As I sit here..tears streaming down my face..heart sobbing open.

I am touched by life and I am touched by war and I am touched by the utter confusion that I see and I am touched by misunderstandings and strife.

Being touched like this is really uncomfortable..while the tears fall effortlessly..my chest and throat constrict..sitting in a chair I struggle against the desire to curl up in a ball and sob myself into oblivion.

My mind wants to distract me from this visceral, emotional experience..it wants to scroll on facebook or positive think it away or go workout..it wants to distract from the intensity of feeling this deeply.

Instead. I FEEL. I write this. I AM.

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Depression Over Expression

I have chosen depression over expression since my earliest memories.

In order to not feel and face rejection..I have chosen depression over expression.

In order to not see disappointed faces or feel judgmental attitudes..I have chosen depression over expression.

In order to be seen as appropriate and good..I have chosen depression over expression.

In order to have my parents be proud of me...I have chosen depression over expression.

In order to fit in and be liked from the outside..I have chosen depression over expression.

In order to SURVIVE..I have chosen depression over expression.

In order to not be ridiculed, told I was stupid or wrong or unrealistic..I have chosen depression over expression.

In order to remain safe from persecution and punishment..I have chosen depression over expression.

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